Just thinking

I just got finished reading a blog another mom wrote on leaving and making excuses, which gave me a wonderful idea to blog about. This blog touches on the subject on how it is usually necessary to leave functions or dinner early because of Eden. I don't say that lightly but it is because of her.

The first thing I want to remind people of is that we are constantly changing the way we do things in the house. As with everyone, Eden goes through cycles. Things she likes one day may not be the things she likes next week. It used to be that before we went places we would give her a shower and let her "zone out" in front of the tv for a while to get her "meter" down. Now she hates showers and still likes tv but most of the time it makes her very hyper. And second thing, this is in no way, meant to make people feel bad about the way they talk to me. I know it's hard for everyone to understand the right thing to say when I have a screaming, hitting, running or excited child I'm chasing.

We are still in the phase of learning what to do when Eden does these sorts of outbursts. (or is just over-stimulated). Slowly getting the hang of how to deal with her, but really less prepared on how to deal with everyone else's stares and sometimes unwelcome advice. I am slowly getting out of the habit of telling people that Eden has Autism. Not because she doesn't, or even because I'm ashamed (because neither one apply), but because of the "I'm sorry" or the "that's two bad". I even get the occasional dirty look even from some people very close to me. It is a part of who she is, but it is not WHO she is.

When we are getting ready to go places, if it is a restaurant, friends or family members house, store, or church it takes preparation. It is our job to assess the mood she is in and the level of her "meter". (Her sensory meter as we have called it). If she is having a good day and it is early, most of the time Eden is fine. There usually are no "out of the ordinary" behaviors. Most of her tantrums and undesirable behaviors are typical 4 year old behaviors. And depending on where we are going (if it is going to be loud, lots of people, or some place she is used to) we can tell her where we are going and what to expect. But on the other hand there are times we go to places where there are people she doesn't know and situations that are hard for her to deal with that can sometimes cause a scene.

When these things happen it is super hard for all of us, taking 2 cars works some of the time so my husband can leave with her if needed, but it's not possible all the time. I'm the mom talking very calmly  (because Eden mimics my mood sometimes trying to figure out the right way to act) and plainly to her kid as she is causing a scene because I won't let her go to the bathroom for the 6th time. Or when we are at church, and she is running like a crazy person (which she does a lot there and I can't explain why) and I try to calm her down and someone looks at me and says, "it's alright, we understand." Like it's an excuse for her bad behavior. They make it seem like she is allowed to do those things and I should expect less from her. How will she learn. I do understand that people are trying to be understanding, but how we have taught her the appropriate way to act is to expect no less than what we do with the other kids, and every time.

It may seem sometimes that I am being tough on her. I expect her to ask for EVERYTHING. I also expect that she talks for everything. I don't assume she doesn't want me to touch her, I want her to tell me what is wrong. How else am I going to get her to talk. She doesn't have the ability to tell me what she wants until I ask her to tell me. I expect her to look at me EVERYTIME I talk to her or when she talks to everyone else. Yes, even if it means I have to follow her eyes with my body. It may seem hard for a 4 year old but this IS what works for us. And it is working. She has been jumping leaps and bounds with her speech and social development the past 6 months.

I am a better trained parent because I can see the signs that she needs to leave a situation, and when I point them out, don't judge me for nit-picking my kid apart because I don't want her to get to the point where she is uncomfortable.  I am just trying to teach people who may be around her to look at her warning signs. Over-stimulation can sometimes be painful for her and be hard for her to calm down afterwards. I don't leave places because I don't want her to be around people or to keep her from certain situations, I do it because I know if she has her 15 minutes out of the situation she is more than likely going to be able to come back and have more time to enjoy herself.