Bedtime changes...

Night #1

So the other night while my in-laws were here for dinner, Ed decided to put Eden to bed. This has been something that is in a constant flux of what works and what doesn't. Ed gave the 5 minute warning, which usually gives a great timer for her to start acting out.

She started by yelling at him and telling him no. Then started to try and hit him. Ed sometimes has a low tolerance for her aggressive behaviors and decided to put her in her "chair". It's kind of like a time out but it's usually used to give her a safe place to calm down when she is escalated. Once on the chair, she started... by that I mean that she got up and threw the chair at Ed. We put her back in the chair and she did it again. She told Ed to put her right to bed. In Eden's words means to skip the "process" and put her directly into bed. She doesn't go potty, brush her teeth, no story or anything.

We had figured out what she was trying to accomplish. Ah ha! So we knew exactly what NOT to do. We kept her in her chair, it was a fierce battle with hitting, kicking, scratching, biting, and a ton of screaming. Ed was standing next to her to make sure she stayed safe and I was blocking the other escape route so we didn't have to chase her. About 45 minutes after, she had calmed down enough to get her into the bathroom. There was a whole new set of challenges.

Our bathroom is super small, like I'm sure most of your closets are bigger than this bathroom. She started stimming off of reflections in the mirror (we put the towel over it), the door knob, and the faucet handles. When we took them all away she decided to start spitting, so we brought the chair over to the bathroom door and put her back in the chair. All while screaming and yelling gibberish that no one could understand.  This whole ordeal is going on while my in-laws are right there. They were amazed that neither Ed nor I raised our voices, got frustrated, or even talked to each other as we both have jobs in these situations.

After 50 minutes or more we decided to get her through her "scheduled" bedtime routine and get her into bed. It took both of us to do it but once in her room and lights off she stopped crying. She waited about 3 minutes came out of her room to go to the bathroom and she was engaged, talking, smiling, and a whole different kid. She didn't ask to get out of her room, she just went to the bathroom, grabbed a kiss from me and went straight to bed. We were exhausted and went straight to bed. That takes so much out of you.

Night #2

The next night, we decided to try a new approach. We decided that no matter what, we would get her through her bedtime routine, so there was no avoiding or hour long struggle. Ed started without giving her a warning for bedtime. We've had mixed success with both approaches, but no warning actually works better. No matter what she still doesn't like bed time so whatever right?

Her routine is potty, wash hands, brush teeth, kisses for Mom, then in bedroom, get night clothes on, cover up, kisses for Dad, lights off, and then Daddy sings her a song (her ultimate reinforcer for the whole process). All of this is on a visual schedule that she uses. 

As he started to get her to the bathroom, she started saying that she didn't want to go to bed. She dropped to the floor and Ed decided to first, tell her the task. If she didn't do it, he would then give her the choice to do it herself or he can help her do it. He would then give her until the count of 3 (with a visual finger count), and then help her get to or do the task. If he has to help her with the tasks until they get to her room she then does not get to have her dad sing to her. 

She went to the bathroom (in our house everyone calls it potty), but wouldn't wash her hands, he followed through like a professional. Brushing teeth was difficult also and he helped her with that. When it came to going into her room, she got pretty upset when he wouldn't sing to her but this time there was only a little crying, but no meltdown at all. She went straight to bed and to sleep. The whole process took 10 minutes, what a difference a day makes and some pre-planning as well.