Fall is the time for all kinds of changes

Everything is starting to move into Fall, from weather, schedules, church groups, school, fall food cravings, and so much more. This is always a time of change for our little family, some of it's good and some I'm never really sure how to categorize it. This season of changing isn't any different.

It feels like the two older girls have matured a lot since the end of school. It's always hard as a mom to really let your kids get older, but this year I think the stars aligned and I was also ready to treat them as the young ladies they are. They have not disappointed me in the least, and really they never really disappoint me. They are both in Middle School now, one in sixth grade and one in 8th (I'm NOT ready for having a kid in high school). The two girls being in the same school this year is really awesome. I've never met two sisters that get along and are such a great team as these two kids. Yes, they argue because they are kids but I have more problems with Tanya and Eden then I do with Carly and Tanya. It's been a week since school started and they are now finding time to spend together at school. I'm not sure how long it will be that they enjoy the company of each other but we won't argue with the time we have.

How we wait out a thunderstorm in our house

Eden's transition from Summer to Fall has been a little more difficult. There may be a few reasons for this but it's always hard to pin point one exact reason. She has always had difficulties when more demands are put on her and that's what 1st grade is all about. She has had more anxiety attacks in the last couple of weeks than she had all summer (mostly because of the fire drill the first day of school and the only big thunder storm we had this summer was in the same week). She had gone back to trying to use her hands and words to hurt people more than she had all summer long. Our new in-home support has also noticed this(These aggressive behaviors are no where near as awful as they were) and we are trying to put a stop to it before it gets any worse.

There has been a couple noticeable differences in Eden through all of this which is very reassuring. First, she really is communicating a lot with her words before responding physically. It's actually
amazing to see, when she is angry or frustrated she'll let us know and tell us why (SOME of the time which is better than never or aggressive outbursts) and we can start to work through the
emotions or even help her figure out a solution. Second, she is finally showing some interest in school activities like coloring, drawing, and books. It's been a long, hard struggle to get her to sit a table or desk and do these things without having either major panic attacks or aggressive outbursts. She has been getting out things to color or draw with and doing these things for enjoyment. She'll take out a book and look through it for a good 10-20 minutes at a time even talking about the pictures (making her own story, yes that is amazing!) and I'm guessing she's attempting to read the words.

I think I also go through some changes this time of year. It's really hard to try and turn off the "stay at home mom brain" I have needed to wear for the whole summer and take some time to just do things for me, but this year it's been a little easier. Last year, I started to do some things out of the house on my own, that I enjoyed. I love playing my saxophone and I am currently playing in two concert bands and I also sing in my church's choir. I love being around all the people in these groups. These groups all have their personalities and they challenge me in different ways. I also do some things in my kids schools once in a while to change it up a little.

My birthday has always been during this busy time of change (right after Labor Day) as is Eden's (right before Halloween). This year we are in a little bit of a different place financially so we will have to rely on creativity to make the birthday's that are coming up awesome. I've already planned some of her birthday, she knows what she wants for her birthday (Bonus! We won't have to guess.) and I kind of know where we are going to have it. We are planning on having some of her friends from school come and this will be the very first time we've done that.

My birthday is a bit different. The things I want I'm feeling really guilty about. All I want for my birthday is to go out to eat, yeah that's it. Where do I want to go? This is the worst part I don't really care! We have only really gone out to eat with Eden 2 or 3 times since she has been diagnosed. For a few reasons: It's really hard to find restaurants that serve gluten free/gluten safe(which means free from cross contamination) food. If we do find a restaurant that serves gf/gs food Eden is really picky and the chances it's plain rice, plain chicken or even gf/gs grilled cheese is rare. Oh and then after that there is the money thing. All I really want to do is have a great meal with my family out and I love having all my kids with me. Seems like a lot of excuses right? Let's play eating at home through now. If I were to pick what I want for my birthday it would NOT be gluten free and it would probably be on Eden's top 10 list of favorite foods (if we wrote it 3 months ago). If I had it here and had to tell her she couldn't have it I think that would break my heart.

I am fine with staying at home though, I love sitting at the table and eating with my beautiful kids. I'm also sure that the girls will end up making me a delicious dinner that will be quite enjoyable. I won't even feel bad about it, because it will be perfect like it always is.

It's just sometimes I wish things were easier for her when it comes to food and even other things. I feel guilty about wanting things that she can't have. I feel bad about saying no to her when she asks for something when we are at church and she sees everyone is eating donuts (her #1 favorite thing in the world to eat) and she's stuck with a muffin. I do realize it's probably harder on me than it is on her when it comes to this stuff, because she is a happy kid that doesn't really ask for much. We'll figure it out as we usually do and adapt our plan to what works best for our family.