Who Pressed the Talk Button?

So, something happened this weekend. It was nice out, we were getting our house ready for a gathering and as the house and everyone in it was buzzing around. Eden started talking. Don't get me wrong she talked before this weekend. It was never consistent and it was mostly for wants and requests. Not just talking for the sake of it. She is taking it upon herself to point things out, make comments, get everyone's attention, and pretend play. It's been a little at a time for all of those things, and she still has the littlest voice ever. She talked and talked and barely took a breath all weekend. Her words are so wonderful, but I realize now that words can mean trouble too. It should be an interesting road from here on out.

I am thoroughly enjoying Eden's new ability. She is funny as all get out, saying things that surprise me just to make me laugh. She points out details on the side of the road, in the house, or even in the car that I wouldn't even think twice about. She says, "Look at the horses!" Or "EEWWEE, a bug!" Even points out punch buggy's before anyone else. She takes a little longer thinking of what to say sometimes and even gets stumbled up when trying to put a thought together.

 I'm thankful that I have learned that silence is that best way to help her. Before I was always coaching her what to say, she would just repeat me and that was it. Now, she'll start to say something and instead of saying anything, I wait. What am I waiting for now? I've decided that if I wait until she gives me a signal that she needs help either by asking or even that look, I don't do anything. She can usually do it on her own and it seems sometimes I'm waiting 15-30 seconds. Sometimes, but not very often a little longer.

 I believe this will teach her a few things. First, it will teach her if she needs help in some way it's just not going to show up at her door step. She has to let someone know she needs help. In a world that people don't just go out of their way to help people I would like for her to learn how to ask for help. Either it be with words or if there is an emergency or even someone to help her figure the bread is in a new grocery store. Who knows what she will need help with in the future but I'm making sure she will know what to do when she needs it.

Second, I'm letting her know by not looking bored, still being honestly interested in what she has to say that I have confidence in the fact she can find those words. I have noticed that when she gets stuck (with her words) you can actually see her processing the files in her brain (Temple Grandin describes this like a file of pictures in her head). I trust she knows what to say, but in a given situation actually coming  up with the words is the toughest part for her when there is lots going on or her body is over-stimulated. So I wait, sometimes for her to start a sentence or even for her to find a word. I find sometimes it's awkward, and sometimes when we are at a restaurant people are less than enthusiastic when I have her order and she takes awhile, she does usually come up with it or I help her by giving her a nudge in the right direction.

I help her in different ways, sometimes if it's just a word she is stuck on if I know what she wants I'll start it for her. For example; if she wants milk, "I want..." I'll wait for her and usually she will be at the fridge, I'll answer when she looks and say M. She usually finishes the sentence and goes about her business. If she says, "Milk, please." I'm a stickler for a big sentence and she'll know that doesn't cut it. I'll either ask her to use a big sentence or to try and ask again. I don't start sentences for her anymore because it leads to confusion. If I say, "I..." to start the sentence she will automatically finish it but won't say I. I know it sounds harsh but I can't have her asking for something without her telling whoever she's talking to who wants it.

One of the most important things I've learned, is to tell Eden I don't understand. If she asks a question and I don't know what she wants. Or if she tells me something and I can't translate it in my head. I don't try and guess anymore. It gets her frustrated, I say I don't understand. I am actually teaching her a great lesson. Everyone now and again are unable to get their point across, if I just guess and go along with it, how will that teach her to try and reasonably communicate with others? It really doesn't. When she hears this she tries to say it again. And if after trying a while I will let her show me and then we work on the pronunciation. Usually it's just a tongue thing and she picks right up on it. All of this has helped us get her so she is now having meaningful communications with us at home.



They are becoming very wonderful young ladies. I'm actually using some of the strategies of waiting on them too. I interrupt them less. I listen to what they have to say. I let them have a minute to gather their thoughts so they feel they have had time to make their point without feeling that I'm only listening to one side of the story. Carly is always the helper. Anything I ask she will do. I sometimes think that she is a mini me because she really loves to help people.

Tanya on the other hand is a tough one to make happy. I guess we all have one. She only wants to help if it benefits her in the long run. On a good note, reinforcer's work extremely well with her. She has always required a lot of my attention. Still does for that fact. If she doesn't get it with good attention she will demand it with bad. Ed and I have always known she was like this even before Eden was born, so we usually go out of our way with taking her places with us and adding perks to chores to make her more apt to finish them. She has had more trouble lately, I say lately but it's probably been coming up for a while now.

We are working with our in-home support to try and include the older girls into the things we are all doing with Eden. They love to play with her, they just have no clue where to start, how to talk to her, and how to tell her "No." in a way that she won't get upset or even hurt them. They sometimes just ignore her even when she initiates play, then they feel bad but it is much easier for them to ignore her than for them to either play with her or say, "Not right now." Because they are too nice to make her cry. This I think is our biggest issue as of late. It is a minor issue in all things considered. I'll let you know how things work out and how we get them all liking each other again.