As I reflect back to the months when that voice in the back of my mind was telling me something was so different from what I knew with other kids and the way Eden actually acted and behaved. I first remember being able to hold the other two girls as I nursed them to sleep or even sleeping in my bed with them. We never were able to do that with Eden, all she ever did was nurse and want to be put down (or she would cry). When going to bed I would remember how lonely I was because even though other parents would take this as a great thing, but I felt a terrible sense of rejection from her. I didn't quite understand this, because the core of my being is very affectionate and loving. It was such a tough thing for me to grasp(and still is), not holding her as she slept or even rocking her to sleep.
I do have to say that, now she is older, she has the opposite problem though. Funny that, right? Just as I grieved her wanting to be held and coddled as an infant once she turned two it was such a different problem. She touches...everyone...everything...anytime she's within arms length. She acts like a cat a lot and I am not sure why but she'll rub her face on you (anywhere) to show you affection. She touches faces and is almost always standing too close to people. She has to be entertained, so instead of playing with her toys she chooses to sit on my lap and try her hardest to keep my attention by touching, kissing, squeezing, tickling (OMG the tickling!), rubbing, and all sorts of other inappropriate physical touches that drive me crazy.
We had always been the type of people to take our kids with us everywhere. We love having them around us, they are usually the key to us having a good time. When Eden was the smallest infant, I would plan to feed her accordingly and bring her to restaurants with us, and with in minutes she would start screaming and crying. I knew she wasn't hungry because nursing wouldn't soothe her. One of us would have to finish eating or pack up our meal and go to the car with her so we wouldn't disturb other people at the restaurant. We slowly got very discouraged when going out. We would sometimes just avoid going altogether because that was just so much easier.
In time we just started a new "normal" where we would all go out to eat, order, eat and then about 1/2 way into the meal Ed would leave and I would finish with the other girls while he waited in the car. It is so much better now, but not easy. There are now many trips to the bathroom, letting her go under the table when needed (hoping she doesn't eat the nasty gum under there), trying to get her to stop talking to strangers, being quiet enough not to disturb anyone, and then we still need to try to get her to eat. For that we just make sure we go where there are food choices she likes. If there is not, we just don't order her food because it's much easier to feed her when we get home.
Our schedule has become something out of this world. We have extra Occupational Therapy that is in addition to the therapy she gets in school. That itself is a 20 minute drive to her school to pick her up early and another 40 minutes to the office, for a 50 minute appointment then a 30 minute drive home. In-home support 9 hours a week (3 days of 3 hour appointments) at our house. Not to mention having three kids on 3 different buses at 3 different times (Eden would be on the same bus as Tanya this year if Eden didn't need to be transported out of our town for school) picking up and dropping off. Specialist appointments every 3-6 months for follow-ups and a pediatric dentist for Eden that is almost an hour away. This isn't counting all of the everyday things that we do like church groups, my band practices, Ed's school stuff, and other kid things they want to do like clubs or events.
Next, I'll explain how crazy our ritual stuff has to be. It's not just in the house, it's everywhere we go, and that kid remembers EVERYTHING. For instance, getting on the bus...simple right? Not really, Eden and I wait for the bus right at our driveway. I have to explain to her every morning how we do not touch people's faces and get in their space (Why? because it's annoying no matter how cute you are, when it happens every single day), we have to play chase even if it's icy out and we can't give kisses until we see the bus. Or when we get ready for school brushing hair comes after eating and eating breakfast comes after getting dressed (or that kid will NEVER get dressed). Going to bed...has to be done in this order potty, wash hands, brush teeth, floss, get dressed (clothes have to be on her bed including new socks), kiss mom, bed, blankets (purple, pink, and blue ones in that order), hide under blankets and pillow, music on (same song even though it's in the middle of the CD), lights off, then you say look at the stars!, sing the song to her until the very end, kisses for Dad and then say See you when I get up. If that isn't followed at our house then she'll scream herself to sleep (we are quite immune to screaming, but I'm not so sure about our neighbors).
We also understand that all (our) kids have their challenges in life, Eden just needs some help finding her way through them and we have to find our way to communicate that help. We notice more of the little things with all of the kids. When Tanya needs a little more attention, she will do a few obvious things to get that attention; either start getting clingy with me (asking to go places she wouldn't normally like), go out of her way to be helpful in the house (I like this one), or the last resort she starts saying rude or having an attitude.
These are just the little things that has changed in our lives in the last three years. Our lives(our famliy) have not gotten worse by any means they are just different than how we planned them. We look at everyday as a new day, with new opportunities to learn and find more things that work for us. We are so much more patient than I ever thought we would be as parents.
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