What bothers you?

I learned a huge lesson a while back, that I live with everyday and every time I take Eden out. I think it's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned on this journey. Start not caring what people think of you, your child's behaviors, and of your parenting skills.

I always thought that when Eden was misbehaving, in a meltdown, or just generally not cooperating that all eyes were on me. That everyone was watching and waiting to see if I could calm her, judging my parenting skills, handle the situation correctly, or even just get that kid to stop. I would get nervous, start apologizing and try to leave (which sometimes created a bigger spectacle). This just draws more attention to yourself, and your situation, whatever it may be.

I found out that not very many people care about these things. I guess that's both a good and bad thing. I realized that as a parent I think that things are about 100 times worse then they actually are and when they are bad I shouldn't care about what others think. There is a ton of stress involved in these situations, and you are your own worst critic when it comes to your child's behavior. All you truly need to worry about is you and your child's safety and well being.

I think that even when your child is having a hard time or a bad day, that a mother always knows when that is happening. You can feel it in your heart, your brain races to make them better, and you feel your stress level rise. Yeah, they may get more out of sorts, but sometimes I think parents really think that other people are constantly judging their parenting skills but what I think they may actually be judging is your coping skills.

People in general, don't really care about other people's children and even if they are judging your parenting skills for the minute they are aware you exist. They are too busy with their lives and problems and they get distracted. I'm not saying that people in general aren't terrible judges of ones character or parenting skills because they have seen you and your child for 5 minutes at the park; what I'm saying is does it really matter?

I'm also not saying that some people don't feel the need to "coach" your parenting skills, if they think they could do better they are more than welcome to try but I've got an insurance and injury waiver I want them to sign if they get hurt. Some people can't even keep their comments about you to themselves about your parenting. I love people who say things just loud enough for you to hear, but not loud enough for you to have proof before knocking them out. When the situation is diffused, the only thing you can think of is what that stranger said to you.

Now, I'm a better parent because I stopped thinking about what others think of my parenting. They probably never have even had an hour of the training I've had. They haven't once been terrified to bring their child into public for fear of what people will say. They are the first to have "normal" children who throw tantrums about the stupidest things. They will never know what it's like to have a child who feels pain when they are in stores with a certain smell, certain color lights (yes they can be different colors) or when the child can't ride in a cart.

The moral of the story is, that the bigger deal YOU as a parent make of a situation, the bigger the situation is. It causes your child to be more stressed, you tend to get more stressed, and people notice that.