A little more understanding

Before I had children, I was a like every other person that didn't know a lot about a child's behavior. One of the big differences between now and then is, when I see a parent in a public place, a store, restaurant, even on the street, trying to get a child to listen when the child is either in a tantrum, running off, or just being obnoxious, I am much more tolerant of these things.

Before children, even sometime after I had children, I used to consider it annoying and may of even left a place where a child was freaking out. I even have been in restaurants when people have gotten into arguments about unruly children. I always thought, "Wow, that Mom really needs to do something about that child." I never really thought much more than it's the Mom or Dad's job to make sure the child behaves in public. The exception was always the "obviously" disabled child, the children in wheelchairs or deaf child who couldn't control the loudness of their voice. I even have had conversations with others about "those children", how Mom's must not be doing a very good job raising their children if they act like that in public.

This kind of attitude even continued when I had my two older children. They have always been very well behaved children. I had a couple of times, when I had taken my girls out when they were not well behaved. I can barely remember those times, probably because they were not that bad and I was never even afraid to take them out. I had got compliments from complete strangers on how well behaved my children were when we went out. I was so happy and proud (not that I'm not proud now but I will explain).

Everything changed when I had my third-child as it always does when you add another person to your family. Since Eden was a baby, we have always had trouble taking her out to eat. I remember her being only a couple of months old and taking her to a restaurant. About 1/2 way through our meal Ed would have to take Eden into the car because she wouldn't stop crying. Everyone always thought it was because she didn't want me to eat. When taking her to stores she always would be in a cart, but when she got big enough I wanted her to start walking with us. I would let her walk for a little while and then she would end up in the cart again. When she mis-behaves in stores what usually happens is at first she acts a little defiant (she rarely acts scared), then she starts to wonder around and when I tell her to come back to me; she takes off like a shot and starts running. I usually have to run through the store and catch her. Once I do of course I pick her up and put her back into the cart. All the time I'm doing this, she is kicking and screaming. As frustrated as, I get I've learned not to raise my voice. I do sometimes avoid going out with her or sometimes have avoided taking my girls places, and I feel guilty, but life is a little easier at home. Not that I mind it if Eden does these things, because I completely understand it's not her fault, but it's those stares I get. From those people who are like I was. I don't feel the need to explain it to people, because it's not any of their business, but I still feel badly that I am disrupting them.

So, I have become one of "Those" Mom's. Talking in a nice calm voice telling my child, as she is freaking out, to listen or I won't get her a treat (yes, I have resorted to bribery on many occasions and most of the time it doesn't work). But the funny thing is, is that I AM doing my job. I am showing her boundaries even if she doesn't understand them yet. Disciplining her even if she doesn't get that whatever she did was wrong. Eden or anyone else for that matter, freaks out more if you scream at them. It causes more of a scene, stresses you out more and just doesn't work. More often than not, now I take her to the store first thing in the morning when the "energy saving" lights are on, which means only 1/2 of them are on. I take her to restaurants and do the quick order of food she likes so we can get in and out in a hurry or I bring my husband to take her to the car if she needs it, which is half of the times we go out.

I have my most proud moments more often now. When we successfully get through the grocery store without a screaming fit. Or even when we get through most of a meal or even an entire meal at the restaurant without Eden becoming stressed and over-stimulated. We even have family that have come up to us and tell us that they were in a restaurant and there was "this kid" who was not behaving like he was supposed to. They then told me they it was disruptive, but who knows why that child was doing it. They may not be as judgmental on situations they don't understand anymore. I am just happy that Eden's small developmental issue has helped me and others in my family become more understanding and patient in these circumstances.