I'm telling you that waiting isn't an easy way to do things in our house. We are all pretty fast paced and are constantly moving. It works though, for example; when she wants something to eat and is trying to get me to get it for her. I hear her request, wait for her to come to me to actually get my attention. Then I answer her, and listen to her request. There is a learning process to figuring out how a conversation works, the first step is to get someones attention.
Some people may ask why I do it every time, if I don't do it every time she won't understand to do it in real life If she doesn't get my attention, how is she going to learn how a real conversation works? It's working, and she is doing it more and more. I'm trying to get her so that she makes sure someone is listening to her when she talks. She also learns to wait until she has someones attention before she starts talking. Imagine a child who has been taught not to interrupt. To wait until someone answers her to speak. What we will attempt to do next is work on eye contact.
When Eden is trying to talk to me I can sometimes see her stumbling with her words. We explain the look that she has while she is trying to say it as she is "flipping through her pictures" trying to find the word she needs. It's just like a Rolodex that holds all of her "words". It can take up to 30 seconds for her to get the word. Try looking at a clock in the middle of a sentence and waiting that long for someone to answer you. It's a pretty long time to try to get one word out. At times she manages to her her words out in less 15 -20 seconds, but if it's more I usually help her with a prompt. I prompt her with the first sound of the word and she usually can come up with it on her own. It is like helping her find the letter in the dictionary. There are upsides and downsides with doing this. If I am right, we move on without at hitch. If I get it wrong, then we go into a tantrum/meltdown which is where I am going next.
Eden seems to be having less traumatic huge tantrum/meltdowns. For that I am grateful. On the other hand it seems that everything that doesn't go her way she feels the need to cry and wail, instead of talking through it. If there isn't what she wants on the plate at dinner. If we don't do things exactly to schedule. These mini-meltdowns are very hard to control and they are sometimes hard to predict. I have decided to wait these out to see if it works. When I wait while she is doing this, I act a little different. I don't give her eye contact and tell her, "Stop crying, then we can talk." If I think enough time has passed and she has calmed down (about 5 seconds from when she stops crying) I will try again to talk to her and if she starts to cry again I only give her, "No crying." and wait again. Depending on the situation on how long this can go on and also her mood.
As I'm slowly picking apart all of the behaviors that Eden has that really effect our everyday lives. I am getting more and more skilled in learning how to quickly stop and redirect those behaviors. I am also finding that there are overall less of these "meltdowns" to stop. This is a very good thing and a sign that we are at least catching up with her behaviors in some way. We are all starting to work together as a team, communicating, preparing, and following through with what we've learned. It's feeling great, I'm getting much more comfortable in where we are going as a family and it's looking so bright for all of us. I'm sure as she matures and develops she will present new challenges for us, that is both exciting and frightening at the same time.
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