I'm learning and you can too!

Now that I'm thinking about behaviors a lot I would love to share the things I've learned (taught or just my natural instincts or sometimes my natural instincts being confirmed). This I'm sure will be a series of posts and I"m willing to answer questions and I am by no means anything but a mom who has been thrust into the world of dissecting behaviors and attempting to figure out, "Why did she do that?"

I would like to mention the things that happen with kids, adults or any person are not always cut and dry and this is from experience alone and there are professionals who have a ton more education than I do when it comes to this. I'm also just a mom who thinks this stuff is cool and will speak on my experiences alone. I've mentioned BCBA's (Board Certified Behavioral Analyst) before and they are the true professionals and should be used, but I thought I'd share why I think they are so important. I've really learned a lot from them, they are great teachers, and should be used when needed.

Things I've learned that when dealing with anyone and trying to change any behavior is not the same experience for every parent. There are times when you try and change a behavior and you've got the reasons wrong or like me I am just doing it wrong. Sometimes, when trying to change a behavior that has been around for awhile it is very common for the behaviors to increase for a time before they get better. No matter what is this intended to be a fix for anything. I just forget things and hope this is a way I can reference what I learn and even share a few simple things that work for my family. Nothing that I do with my children have anything to do with actually touching them (so no physical harm will come to them LOL) or putting them down (so no yelling either).

The first thing someone should do before trying to change a behavior is to set some small goals for the person and what you are ultimately trying to accomplish, and remember winning isn't the key to success. Make the goal  small and obtainable. One of our goals, for example (and you should only work on one at a time) is for Eden to sit at the dinner table for 5 minutes during dinner time. I know she can do less time than that but when it comes to dinner and there is food she doesn't like in her plate she won't sit at the table.

Second thing  you should make a list of things that person loves/likes. Food, things they like to play with, places they like to go, people they like to see, activities they like to do. There can be small things and large things but remember to make sure they are all things you are able to have at the house or do right away. These are going to be reinforcers, they need to be given immediately, unless the person understands that there is a time frame it needs to be given. In my case that doesn't work as Eden doesn't have any sense of time.

This is all I have time for today, I'm going to really try and start a series of posts on this because I think it's important for me and other families to understand that unwanted behavior isn't a phase it's learned. And the sooner we can break the cycle of learning bad behavior and be rewarded for good behavior the easier our lives are going to be.