Learning part 3

This is the next post to tell how I started using all the behavior strategies I had learned in the past year. This helped get my kids to do more in the house, have less tantrums (if any and I'm not saying this is a magic pill but has helped a lot) and be more willing participants in the household (weather it be family time, chores, or helping me do something). I would suggest to read the first two in order before this one and you'll get the idea of why we started this and all the preparation we had to do. Here they are part 1 and part 2.


The ladies noticed something was up when they started seeing all the stuff I was bringing into the house. We don't usually have candy and toys just lying around the house. They asked what they were for and I explained they were for them. I had got their attention! Success! I decided my goal for the older girls was to work on getting them to help me in the house with their daily and weekly chores. We already had begun a responsibilities chart and it was working...sort of. (The post for the chore chart is here) It was flawed in some major way and something was missing. Giving them something to work for that will give them an instant reward was just the thing we needed. That's where the toys and candy come in.

I have learned about rewards or reinforcers a lot since Eden started going to a pre-school for her Autism. Their teaching style is all rewards based. It's not all food and toys, but also it's praise and high 5's also. Eden particularly responds to a "thumbs up" for some reason. Some people disagree with this approach because it feels a little like "dog training" with it's "biscuits" and "stupid tricks" but I really do disagree. I'll use this as an example; why do people work? Is it for fun? Just to get out of the house? NO, not really, it can be part of the reasons, if you happen to find the job of your dreams, but let's get real, it's for the paycheck. It's a great perk of getting up everyday and going somewhere that isn't with your family and friends and you can't do exactly what you want. How do we expect our kids to do that without payment?

I sat the older girls down and told them the whole, "I need help in the house..." story again, but there was a catch. Every time they did a chore on the "chore chart" they get to pick from the box of prizes and treats we have. Check marks on the chart means they can pick a prize. If they bring home good school work they get one too. If they do something difficult for them (individually and as a team) they get something too. This way we can separate things by developmental level. I did explain that Eden gets rewards for doing things that are difficult for her, so don't think you'll get a treat every time you eat a carrot.

They will still be getting their "allowance" for doing the chores, so they can have some accountability, but the "Prize Box" (what we lovingly call it) is great for the instant reward for a job well done. It's been 2 almost 3 weeks since we started the "chore chart" and the first two weeks a bunch of chores were done by me. Which is what we are trying to avoid. 

Since we started the instant reward for chores, the past 4 days both the older girls have got up, ready for school, and start doing their chores. They come home and share their successes for the day at school and make sure to help every time I ask them to do something. It's been such a great thing for all of us. We do leave the "prize box" right out in the open where everyone can see it at all times. Ed and I even are getting treats for a job well done as well. And the other day Eden wanted to pick out of the box and I told her to put all her clothes in her hamper and bring it out to the washer, and it was done in an instant. 

Imagine if all the "hard" stuff we do in the day got rewarded? Would you do more? My girls are willing participants in this adventure to see if it will work. I haven't had to pick up laundry, their room, or even tell them to do their homework all week because they just do it. Eventually, the things they get rewarded for will change and evolve because the things they find difficult is going to change but this process evolves with them and can be changed to fit any developmental level. How cool is it that my 4 year old is using all the same reward systems that my 11 and 9 year old are using. Just different expectations.